The Language Barrier

What is it with kids? When you say "No!" They rarely come up with a more convincing protest than "Aaawwwww!"

This phenomenon seems to last about 6 years, give or take. When Jamie first entered into the "Aaawwww!" phase (around two-and-a-half years old), I was just grateful that the throwing-herself-onto-the-floor-and-bashing-her-head-against-the-door-frame phase seemed to be over.

A year later though I was completely aghast that she was still doing it. It had never got her anywhere. Never once after her pleading "Aaaaaaww!" did I ever proclaim: "Well; now that you've made that very attractive sound, Go ahead, Be my guest!"

I don't even want to contemplate the impending years when it becomes "I hate you!" or "You're ruining my life!" and other such intelligent arguments. The under-breath mutterings have already begun.

Because of course, we don't understand. We were never kids ourselves. Never once felt miffed that our mother's wouldn't let us go to the best party of the year, or leave the house wearing skirts that were barely visible and badly applied make-up that was visible from two streets away.

Raising them is problematic enough but I am convinced that Hayes House has some mysterious communication scrambling device. None of us seem to glean the same meanings from anything that is said in our house.

"STOP-IT-RIGHT-NOW!", for example, is usually heard by the kids as "Don't mind me my little cherubs, you just carry on recreating the Apocalypse in the living room, that's absolutely tickety-bloody-boo".

When Stig says "I'll be home in an hour" I know that the secret formula is to double it and add half an hour for a realistic ETA.

When I yell "Girls, is your room tidy?" in the general direction of the stairs,
and they reply "Nearly"...

That means "Nope, we've been sat on our arses making more mess for the past two hours."

And when Sam is acting suspicious, and I ask him what he's done, and he says "Can't remember" whilst looking at his feet with his hands clasped behind his back, you know you're going to discover ground zero somewhere in the house.