It's no wonder that the summer holidays are peak season for parental nervous breakdowns. Picture the scene:
Sam and Nicki are sat in their imaginary car in our living room. They're going for a drive, presumably somewhere in America because they are talking to each other in that fake whiny American accent that only British kids of a certain age can produce.
Nicki: "Sam, I'm driving"
Sam: (whilst wrenching the non-existent steering wheel over to his side of the non-existent vehicle) "No, I'm driving"
The same line was repeated back and forth whilst I watched in disbelief at the wrangling over the steering wheel. Despite myself I am being dragged into this fantasy and am visualising the steering wheel being pulled from side to side as they fight over it.
Sam could argue forever whereas huffiness always gets the better of Nicki...
"Fine then, I'll walk!" She slams the car door (by now I can actually see the imaginary car) and then reaches through the car window with a grabbing motion towards Sam.
Nicki: "And that twenty bucks is mine!"
Sam: "No, give it back, it's mine!"
Nicki: No it's mine, you want it, you'll have to catch me"
Nicki runs off waving her twenty bucks aloft as if this will prevent Sam from reclaiming it. Sam hurriedly gets back into the car, fastens his seat belt and "Drives" after her whilst wailing about the twenty bucks.
It's not often that I am lost for words. My usual course of action would be to confiscate whatever it is they are arguing over (hence the reason there is a growing pile of random children's crap in my bedroom) but how does one even begin to settle an argument over an imaginary twenty bucks or give a lecture on why it is wrong to run your sister over in your imaginary car?
I'm thinking maybe a travelling circus might take them as trainee mime artists?