How many more parents am I going to have to apologise to for the behaviour of my wayward offspring? The embarrassment is killing me and even worse is the knowledge that this is just the beginning.
Nicki has her best friend staying over tonight. Nicki's friend has been a regular fixture in our house for some time and so I naively assumed that they were past the initial stages of showing off and making a prat of themselves, and their parents in the process.
Alas, no. Tonight I have had to apologise for Jamie taking it upon herself to give her little sister and her best friend a lesson in sex education.
Jamie is in year 6 of primary school and at our school it has been decided that this is the appropriate time to put the fear of god into them. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for it; information is power, even at that age, but FFS it would have been nice to have been warned! At least I could have prepared her for what was possibly the most uncomfortable day of her childhood. I also think that other parents could have been tipped the wink because it was inevitable that the school playground has become akin to the Daily Sport newsroom over the past week. God knows what some of the younger kids have heard.
Jamie was mortified the day she came home after the first day of it. She parked herself in our bedroom and remained there until we'd had a thorough chat about it, which between making dinner and dealing with the other three kids, who were knebbing by the doorway like a pack of meerkats (Do meerkats travel in packs?), took about three hours.
I should have known that once she got over the initial shock she would feel the need to impart this wisdom on anyone who'd listen to her, and she has a captive audience in Nicki and her young and previously innocent friend. They hang on her every word in the belief that she is that one step closer to adulthood than they are. Never mind that there's only 22 months between them.
So yet another cowardly texted apology ensued. Luckily the Mum in question was lovely about the whole thing, but the fact that she hasn't had "the talk" yet with her daughter made matters worse. This poor woman has had the decision taken from her as to when to deal with this issue, and now has to sit her child down tomorrow to explain the birds and the bees, all because Jamie thinks she is the authority on everything.
I must have done something really bad in a past life, but if not, I may have to do something really bad in this life and gag Jamie till she's at least in her thirties!