How do I even begin to explain to you the calamity that is my husband? He is the best person I have ever met. He's so damn likable, probably because he's so laid back although he's been completely stressed out recently. No wonder really, living in our house.
I met Stig ten years ago when I was pregnant with Jamie and my first marriage was failing. He was going through a similar thing and from this grew a friendship unlike any I'd ever had. We learned the lessons of divorce together and how not to conduct a relationship, so it seemed only natural that we would end up together. If I'm truthful I knew within weeks of meeting him that there was something there, for me at least.
Stig is like a big, daft child most of the time. He can be heard moving from room-to-room in our house, shrieking oddities and laughing at the children; whistling or reciting weird old folk verses for what he thinks is comedy value, and coming from him it is. His sense of humour is bizarre and his story telling ability is legendary, in that he has none. Stig's stories never fail to draw you in. That's because he always starts with the best bit of the story and everything after that is a series of disappointing, insignificant details. His most infamous ever ending to a story is
"...and then it went dark".
That in itself has become classic Stig humour.
He loves nothing more than conspiring with my best friend on a Sunday afternoon when she and her son come for dinner.Usually the target of their mischief is me. Sometimes I take it in good humour, other times I could quite happily throw the pair of them out of the house. I love that he is so close to Kel, I often tell them that if I die first, they have to get married. Both of them seem horrified by this prospect though, and I guess her man wouldn't be too happy about that either.
Stig has broken most of the bones in his body. It'd be quicker to list the injuries he hasn't had. But in true Stig fashion he's done these things in the most creative ways. He once dislocated his hip by crashing into an unsuspecting cow whilst parachuting. He has also dislocated his jaw - whilst yawning. The image of him driving to hospital with his mouth firmly wedged open, dribbling profusely throughout the twenty mile drive, will never cease to amuse me.
Stig does posses a surprising level of brain power for a neanderthal. Five years in college to qualify as an aircraft engineer was hard going at first but he got there with flying colours in the end. Boys with toys!
He can fix almost anything and find his way to, or from, almost anywhere whereas I am lost by the time we get to the end of our street. He is the inventor of Slug Wanging (don't ask!) and a regular participant in sliding down the stairs on a duvet. Sometimes I think the kids are more mature than we are. There could be books written on the adventures of Stig, but half of them would be unpublishable.